Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
