I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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