Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
