he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
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i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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