Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
