and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
