my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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