Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
