I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sext me about skeletons
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize