I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
