he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We named our party play list daddy issues
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
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i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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