I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
