somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
