If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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