i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
