how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i dont even know how to be here
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize