I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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