First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
