I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
