so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize