Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
