Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
