Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
