babies were throwing up all over the place
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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