Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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