is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
