He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
