So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm always down for nudity.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
