the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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