i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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