My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
