i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
