Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
