Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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