I wanna passion pit in your ass
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this will be a night to untag.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
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