We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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