so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
