Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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