Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
