You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
