We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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