I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
