Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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