Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
