The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
