I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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