you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
