guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
