I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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