i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
