Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Let's get the cat blown out
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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