im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
