I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
