You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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