My underwear smells like fireworks.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
