Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
