I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
