I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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