So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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