First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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