So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
