just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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