i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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